Emotional intelligence includes the feeling of empathy self-awareness and emotional attachment with other people. Self-awareness means that a person understands why his actions are important and how their influence others. He knows the impact of words and actions on others. With time, the social interaction increases and so do the relationships form and people understand the complexity of emotions and expectations regarding others. The concept of emotional regulation is associated with emotional intelligence and is often confused people think that it is about the quality to control your emotions. For example, controlling your anger in a bad situation. But it does not mean so.
The concept of emotional regulation can be understood by the psychodynamic concept of attachment theory. When people are small like in their toddler and infant age develop a certain attachment with the parents or close relatives for caretakers. It is because they feel secure with them and learn their emotions and understand why certain things are good or bad. The way people deal with them defines their behavior. For example, if a child is running a bicycle and he falls on the road, his caretaker bucks him up by saying some positive words. By this, a child would develop a positive approach towards incidents and happenings and he would feel emotionally strong to overcome this situation. Opposingly if a child is ashamed of his failures, he would develop a destructive attitude of hiding his failure and never be able to face it.
It means that if he is hurt by a certain happening or behaviors of others he would develop a negative approach towards it and show his anger in front of others. He would want the others to experience the same pain and hurt he is facing. Experiencing extreme feelings of anger or love for anyone is normal. But if a person knows how to articulate feelings into something else and recognized his self he would be able to deal with the better way. It does not mean controlling your emotions but acceptably presenting them. You should be voiced about your opinions, feelings, and emotions but in a particular manner. It means that you have attained a sense of self-awareness.
What happens if you lack self-awareness?
A person is unaware of his feelings and how they feel and how to react in a certain way, his reactions would be unpredictable and unconscious. These people cannot bear anything against their ego. They react aggressively and can attack the other person who confronts them. The other thing is that they cannot talk about your emotions and disregard anything that makes them uncomfortable. Their inability to tackle certain situations and emotions makes them hurt and weak. They cannot solve conflicts with other people and cannot explain to others how they are feeling or understand the feelings of others.
They try to seek emotional sympathy from everyone by making themselves a victim. They present themselves as the meekest and vulnerable people. They want people to apologize to them and not hurt them emotionally again. They grow selfish in relationships to protect themselves from getting hurt and feel remorse.
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